Hi!

I feel streesed out... Don't know what I am doing...I'm so left behind... nobody to turn to... No listening ear that can take my utter nonsense...my grumblings...my arguments... No one to talk to as well... I am that uninteresting and irritating huh?

I look forward to emails...blog entries...and chat sessions to keep me occupied... But I have nothing to write...nothing to say... because I am so full of negativites that all I am is a black box... waiting for the controller to feed me...(or the black box of a plane where u recover during crashes...unimportant unless if there is a mishap) I so looked forward for this phase of my life...but I might have jinx it all by looking too far ahead too soon... Would there even be a graduation?

A graduation....yes.. in life...not just academically... Now I don't even see the fuure...Ask me what do I want..and I would just look at you...with a blank look... Anything that comes my way I guess? I am a dissapointment... to myself and to others who had some hope in me...

It is hard when you feel down and you have to worry or care about someone else... when you feel stressed out but you can't tell others because they are feeling the same way too... Well...Isnt so bad right if everyone is in the same boat? Not really when you have to cheer them up...or say something useful...and not flare up because you are worse off than them but they are the ones whinning....

But when you need them most...they are not there...unlike my dear dear friends out there... he he...:) there...a smile....

Is it that bad? No happy moments? Or am I just too overly critical...ignorant...and closed up that I just Do not se it when I should have... I am waiting for the time to tell the world how happy I am...being me...not having somebody else stealing my limelight... Just smiling away and mean it...and just spread the happiness...the joy around me...

Maybe it is just how I am...maybe I am just an attention seeker... maybe...maybe.... but a must be is that.....I must be happy....right?

So that is why I have not been updating...everytime I blog...it is something sad...bad..angry...that I do not feel like boring or burdening (yeah right) you... but well... I must say something right? he he he

Take care....

Hi

Tomorrow would be the start of Ramadhan in Singapore... Here it is on Friday... I thought it would be alright... but I miss my family more than ever...and its not even raya yet... I am gonna miss the times when mum or sis (who never sleeps at night) would have to drag me out of bed to eat... and there Id be...pulling a long face because I want to continue snooozziiinng.... I am gonna miss the times when I gorge myself with dates...thinking I wld have enough energy for the whole day just cause I ate dates...and when I would gulp down at least 2 glasses of water (and a cup of tea cause mum made it) just before times up... Dad would buy food for break fast...if mum is too tired to cook or if she cant think of what to cook...or whenever he feels like buying/eating smt... Realised ive always taken things for granted...Mum and dad always doing things for us...pampering us...I had always thought mum loves sis more because well...she never scolded or beat her...she just let her be... She loves me so :) I am going to miss all those for 2 years... what else wld i miss other than being woth family and friends? going to the bazaar at geylang...even though standards dropped...its just the atmosphere...and there are foodie there... he he... What wldn't I miss then? hmmm...cleaning the house the day BEFORE raya... I am so gonna miss mum's special cooking...but Im so not gonna miss spring cleaning! That...I can blog in a mths time... Hopefully for this mth...I can control my ever growing temper..not curse...and basically be a good girl... he he... Eh although I m not into alcohol and cigarettes... Me a good girl takes lots of work! Ok...oscar(ina) the grouch is sleepy...and is gonna go sleep...Would not bore you with repeated details that Im bored here...and ive lost interest (i'm lost...basically).

selamat menyambut bulan Ramadhan...