Just in the mood to.....

Today....I'm just in the mood to blog.... maybe due to the aching right jaw..or the aching heart... either or...it doesn't really matter does it...? Just somehow got to fill this dreadfully dusty space...haha!

Warning: long entry ahead!!

Oh how I wish i have fantastic grammar and vocab to impress... I cannot even type T-H-E nowadays...it would always be teh.... haha... dear tehbee...if you are reading this...was that why you got part of your nick?

Hmmm...what should I blog on...I have so much to tell...but then again...I think I've reported on the series if unfortunate events after my return to whoever who would care to listen to my constant cries....? Yes...for the first two weeks whe I was back...I was practically crying myself to sleep... Silly me... but the cries I meant here is the cries of my whinning....complaining...and what not.... yes... nothing good... poor them...having to listen...or tolerate my msn conversations with them... He he... but a BIG HUGE GIGANTIC MASSIVE (ok enough....hehe) hug to them and THANK YOU!! Afterall...it is not as if they were in high spirits or relaxed to be listening to me.... About what? hmmm....my failures...my unle passing eay and my family not wanting to tell me...and my relationship worries.... Yeah...nothing new huh? Me failing....but i PROMISE not to disappoint my family and dearies out there...

Ok...my family does not know that I failed 2 modules...I just do not want to hear what they would say....It is not as if I am having fun over there...partying...smoking...drinking... I've been stressed...not being able to study... til all I want to do when I am at home is watch TV or surf the net...I am just waiting for people to chat with (poor U lots) and wishing I have friends like the rest do...Probabaly I've been too closed up...just wanting to stick to him...until it seems to him that I am dependent on him...but it is just that I am not able to make friends there...and he is the only 1 I know...and unfortunately...want to be with....(Continuation:relationship...now it's on school...haha) Hopefully next year...a new year...a new place...would mean a new me...ermmm...not exactly a changed me...but a more independent me....I would still be the irritating one...so beware people...hahaha! Oh yeah...so because I failed Unit Ops...I would have to take the module again...but the sickening thing is that I would have to take it with this individual...who makes my blood boil...and ARRGGGH!!! I just cannot stand him...and the feelings mutual...I am so glad for that... I still remember the day he shouted at me because he says I was not being a team member...not a part of the brotherhood..(confusion over anatomies on his part there) I actually did not shout back as I normally would...or cry... instead I logged on to msn...checked who was online...and typed: Ah Pui yao ken woh dah jia...Har mah woh... and the disclaimer...han yu pin yin sux...hopefully u understand wad I said... there wasnt any1 online that understood malay...haiz.... Oh why do I despise him? 1) He irritates me 2) I hate his work ethics... 3) He loves to point out mistakes when not asked to and he thinks he's always right so things have got to go is way.... As I am not a bootlicker or 1 from his country, and also 1 who does not like to be criticised...I was not the demure, polite girl I should be... Oh well...That is 1 enemy...among 0 friends....

no wonder we have wars...hmmm....

Ok...enough about the friendless me... next..my aching neck and jaw.... Initially I tought the pain was due to wisdom teeth... I don't know how I came up with that..but that was just my theory... Or because I had not been sleeping properly. But the pain was to intense 1 night that my mom asked me to go to the doctors to have it checked out.... after seeral "AAAHHHSSS" the dr said she could not diagnose me so sent me to a specialist... So 2 days later i went down to Mt E...greeted by teh friendly staff or teh clinic...and then...the dr... He said he had to do a scope to see what was going on in my throat... He took out this "thing" that looked like a torch light...got to see my nose hair and throat (would not be painting you a picture on that...he he)...was thinking thank god my nose was clean...and I had blown my nose...I had a cold the day before so I was worried...hahaha! As I said...not too bad....or so I thought... He pulled out this long thing after that... DEN-DEn-DEn!! (drama...haha) The scope....He explained to me that he would insert it from my nose..and slowly...it would go down my throat....oh-kay.......... So in it went...stage nose: cleared stage throat: Yikes!! To me it was pinful...but more so uncomfortable then painful....It is like when you try to swallow something that you did not chew properly...except that this this just would not go away... So I had to try swallow my salive and view the exciting show of :my throat. He was trying to pin point the "pain area" and take a picture of it...but I just wanted it out.... tug-of-war... aha! Whenever he asked me if that area hurts...of course the silly 1 said yes...hoping he would stop.. He went further...and further...til he was convinced my "arghh!!" meant yes...that was teh affected area... In the end he said there was nothing wrong with my throat...and he does not know what is causing my pain... but asked my to refrain from eating 'drinking dairy products and meat like chicken...and no spicy and oily food.... uh-huh?? Do you think I can do taht when I'm back here?? Anyway...he gave me antibiotics (that seemed to work...) and asked me to come back a week later for follow-up...and yes...another scope...second time there...same thing...he does not know why...but does not want me to continue on antibiotics...gave me another medicine that I can take when I feel that I have phlegm...ear pain..and I cannot remmeber what else..hahaha! I took that when my pain returned...but...no it does not help... I am in pain...again...sigh.......My dad paid 300 bucks for my check-up...just to have me in pain again.....I feel like emailing him(because he said I can email him anytime) and tell him the pain is back... but then...Ive not been listening on his food restrictions... ha ha ha.... how? I have pain killers...hahaha! It is like as if the bone is scraping the neck muscles right now...and just now...it was my jaw line....no wonder I thought it was my wisdom tooth...

Ok...next issue...relationship....Sigh... I know I should not be whinning about this but be grateful that someone wants to be with me....Actually I feel bad blogging about this when I know....never mind...do not feel like mentioning... but sorry yeah...

I feel unappreciated...unloved...and as if i'm taken advantage of in this relationship....I now it is not his fault that he feels he cannot tell me some things when I demand that the relationship shold be an open...trusting one....Why did I use the word demand? Simply because to him, I am demanding...and controlling... I had ideas of us married....happily ever after style...but not any more... I cannot remember having a pleasant dream with him in it.... I've had dreams of me being with other guys (PG ones not RA)...and one I used to like... Yes, I admit it...I liked him..but not in the How-I-Wish-He-Would-Ask-Me-Out kinna way....It was just the similar interests... When would he talk openly with me? when we are having an argument (strong ones...with both shouting) or when he is drunk...so hooray for me!! I do not feel like talking to him nowadays...and he does not even call me when I don't.... Guess it is my fault for being too emotional...sensitive...and whatever.... but that is all I would say for now... He is still my BF....just that the B is not best....

Enough of ranting for now....the eat-sleep-play facebook queen is tired of blogging....until next time.... sweet dreamzzzzzzzzzz..............and take care...